Jada1977

Jada Stark

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Peace and Pieces by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Peace and Pieces

Who are you when the ones who create you forsake you? Where do you go when there is no home? What do you cherish when the memories hurt? Can forgiveness be found In the chains that bound, Which are now unwound For the sake of eternal rest? Can excuses be made From beyond the grave? Was "sorry" supposed to be enough Did that moment of concede make you brave? Was it courage or excuse that was on display? She never could have said so much I felt blessed to lean on your last breath's crutch But both of you ran for your own dungeon cell Long before you contemplated my sentence of Hell And I in my tiny feet stumbled and fell Trapped in the tang

Goodbye to Redemption by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Goodbye to Redemption

I still face your face daily In pictures, in memories Even in the mirror, your chin annoys my vanity. I can't erase your number Something simple and small Feels huge and insulting Like hanging up a final call. I haven't washed your pillow I hide it until no one is near. I hold onto useless trinkets Mostly junky souvenirs Times when I was a forethought, Then an afterthought or just a pest? Memories of memories I should be holding. Dreams of promises that were never unfolding. Too late I learned to use deaf ears Promises dissolved year after year. Absent when I was abscessed Blind when I was broken Degenerate when I was degraded Imprisoned

Aged Duplicity by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Aged Duplicity

Here you come again Tip toeing in. Knowing my sins, Begging to get in Not even asking where I've been. So true to your nature, Presuming no danger Assumptions of longing So certain of my wanting…. The smile, that crook, that come hither look… You read me like a book. Every smile gives me away, Did you enjoy what you read today? The void in my smile, No lust flowing wild. Who is this woman you used to know? She sits here, she smiles, she shares a joke. Carefree, distracted, unfocused is she… The moment you know You lost her so so long ago. What you could have had may have fulfilled a dream But I see now what

Un-sewn Robes of Two by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Un-sewn Robes of Two

I want to shine, Blinding bright light Pouring from my smile Visible for miles The glow of peace The aura of ease Billowing white silk Blowing in the breeze Carrying the scent of my happiness To far away seas.. I want to love, To be loved beyond all others above To feel that warmth Cloaking me in dark jealous lust Belonging, claimed, nonplussed. Carried in a lovers arms Filled with excitement and alarm. Risking all Taking the fall Sacrificing my trust Reckless, unjust. These two Two of Me Neither I see Both I want to be And fear there is no we To be seen In these un-sewn seams?

Hourglass Heart by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Hourglass Heart

The sands of time are falling through my hands Measurements of moments and memories Pieces of beautiful unmade plans. The hurt of the heart The ache that burns hollow but hot Empty Void A shell of what perhaps you thought Would fill and overflow for you Is a heart wrought from wire Barbed A briar Filled with only fear and fire… Fire and desire The pain is so beautifully admired I stand before the mirror and watch it burn My eyes the windows My lashes the shades I count the sands, watch them fall As another flame flickers Then fades

Armed for Invasion by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Armed for Invasion

I am tossing these words into the wind Knowing they will be swept away Knowing they will be spoken again But knowing I will never let you win! You robbed me of my childhood But I escaped Because I could! I ran till my feet were bloody and bruised To a place inside where I could refuse. Refuse to be abused Or used But oh so confused What had you done to the one who birthed me The pain inside her was impossible to see. It was she who won your twisted game When God took her home and made her free. Then you chose me…. Choosing me won't make you win You cannot destroy me once again I survived you then I will survive you no

Your Front Row Seat by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Your Front Row Seat

A temporary reprieve From the nightmares that seize The everyday thoughts That consume the core of me. When the beast crawls in my head And reminds me I'm half dead I'm grasping at straws To pull myself up and crawl Muster the courage And empower my rage To propel me onto my liar's stage My performance for years To laughter and cheers That spotlight I bask in That hides the dark shadow of sin Lurking behind me If you step too closely My demons will flee Hiding temporarily, Leaving behind only me Naked and bare My pain unwillingly shared You will be left to decide if you even care Or are willing to see the scars and

Paranoid Love Letter by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Paranoid Love Letter

the never ending saga of what ifs I can't escape the reminders of her Signs of her are still everywhere And I try not to care Reminding myself I am here and she is there But like a stray strand of hair I catch a glimpse of who I fear Maybe you are truly wanting near. What if today she were here Standing at your door Back for more To dish out the pleasure And dole out the pain Would you see that I'm still standing beside you? My heart wide open Quaking, shaking An aching knowing that I can't replace Years of memories the two of you were making The future you were staking Is it your whole heart she has taken? Is there a new

Partner in Pain by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Partner in Pain

I can't escape. I've ran till my feet have bled, The trail left in the wake, A gushing river of red. The blood from years of fear, Mixing with tears From all those years Of not knowing who I am. The tide is rising, And I am failing at disguising The gurgles from my throat Refusing to scream for a boat Stubborn and broken My cries for help go unspoken. Will you watch as I drown? Scream as I go down? You can't pull me out, So don't give in to doubt That there was more to be done To take bullets out of this gun. Locked and loaded I aim at the past Shooting at nothing But the pain that has amassed. No this gun is shooting

A Fool in the Shadows by Jada1977, literature

Literature

A Fool in the Shadows

Did I miss the haze in your gaze? Are those eyes sincere? Or is someone else here? Ever present… Sitting between us Someone you love Did she fit like a glove? Will my lips ever rise above The power of her kiss The lips I fear you miss As your breath meets mine Clouding my mind Feeling sure I might soon be yours… Dare I dream a dream that doesn't comes true? Or will never failing hope follow through, A reward for waiting Not a fool for staying…

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Peace and Pieces by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Peace and Pieces

Goodbye to Redemption by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Goodbye to Redemption

Aged Duplicity by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Aged Duplicity

Un-sewn Robes of Two by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Un-sewn Robes of Two

Hourglass Heart by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Hourglass Heart

Armed for Invasion by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Armed for Invasion

Your Front Row Seat by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Your Front Row Seat

Paranoid Love Letter by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Paranoid Love Letter

Partner in Pain by Jada1977, literature

Literature

Partner in Pain

A Fool in the Shadows by Jada1977, literature

Literature

A Fool in the Shadows

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About Jada1977

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Artist // Hobbyist // Literature

Aug 5
United States
Deviant for 13 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Mother, Lover, Poet, Dreamer, Forever Optimistic

I am 37 and the mother of two beautiful children. My journey through the diagnosis of Bipolar Type 2 Disorder and a Divorce takes up a large chunk of 2008-2010 for me so I am starting there. The occasional lustful fantasy is mixed into my lonely madness in these years. I look forward to writing of my new journey as I am now walking it. New adventures, new love, nearly an entirely new life...Words carry me everywhere and I carry them everywhere with me. The recent death of my father is starting to take on a Gallery of it's own. The story isn't always pretty...but what else is new <3 Thank you for your interest in my work.

Current Residence: Southern Illinois
Favourite genre of music: All - Die hard Blue October Fan!
Favourite photographer: gutterface
Favourite style of art: Poetry, Photography, Body Art
MP3 player of choice: iPod
Favourite cartoon character: Winnie the Pooh
Personal Quote: Don't be spoon fed, know why you know what you know.

Favourite Movies

Rush

Favourite TV Shows

True Blood

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

There are TONS but Blue October

Favourite Books

Pride and Prejudice

Favourite Writers

Jane Austen

Favourite Games

Scrabble

Tools of the Trade

Fingers, Keyboard

Other Interests

Writing, Books, Music, Photography, Movies, Useless Trivia

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Jada1977

Aug 24, 2011

Notes From a Crazy Person

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I could call these notes "Bipolar 101"  However you can't wrap mental illness into a simple little bow like that. The episode I have recently suffered is common for so many other "labels"  PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, OCD, even Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have more than one diagnosis myself. PTSD being the second dominant disease, that is so easily dismissed as "shit you need to just get over"...if only it were that simple we would all be ok. But we will never all be ok. I suppose I should start from the beginning. Thursday morning I woke up with some serious depression

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Jada1977

Aug 22, 2011

Cry for help

0 min read

So today I slipped down the hole where the beast resides. That bastard beast that eats at me just when I am not looking...depression. Bad enough today to go the hospital and check myself in for help. I know when I have reached my limits. Apparently my local hospital didn't give a shit. I waited for 3 hours freezing in my hospital gown to not even be seen by a nurse. I walked out...I had yet to sign anything for consent to treatment (because nobody bothered) so I don't even know if you can call it AMA. I do want to state, that in those hours alone, examining just how I got in this fucking position, that I have been rapid cycling for a few we

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Jada1977

Aug 17, 2011

Which WAAAAAY did she GO?

0 min read

Summer has been crazy, and going by too fast!! I have not had much time to write, although there are hundreds of pieces floating around in my head...will be cranking out material as soon as school starts. Just got a notice that I am to be the Featured Member for Mad Pride in September. A big honor from a group that means a lot to me! There is genius in madness....so all of my fellow MAD and beautiful artists out there, lets stop the stigma and show the world just how blessed we are to have a touch of insanity! Love to all!! Jada